Fit

Lots of places to go with the word and the idea of fit. I’m going to start with one and let’s see where it goes. This isn’t a fitness/workout meditation (though I could easily do that - love thinking about and talking about my ever-changing workout routine.)

But not now.

We saw Nick’s surgeon yesterday. The news was all good - he’s healing well, everything is as is should be. We’ve also moved from the bedridden jam to the up-and-about jam. That’ll take an adjustment for him; moving around is difficult and exhausting. I understand the temptation to limit the walking as much as possible (also what the one-time physical therapist told him) but I also understand that moving around will help him rebuild his stamina and is just good for his overall health. And he’ll get more time with Bear, which is good for everyone. It’s an important and necessary shift in behavior right now.

While we were at the doc the surgeon noticed me clutching my right shoulder (it happens so often I’m frequently unaware of it.) He remembered, and asked me if I’d seen his referral, the doc known here as he-ortho.

I didn’t think - I answered quickly because I know how to navigate these kinds of situations.

“Thanks. Really nice guy but not the right fit.”

He nodded, he got it.

He offered another referral, I demurred. I have she-ortho.

But the fit answer was the right one, in that it ends the conversation, doesn’t point fingers, no judgment is involved. Easy peasy.

I used a similar approach when I had to tell an old boss that we didn’t win an account we were pitching because the head client deeply disliked him. I spent an entire night awake thinking through how I’d tell him that we didn’t win and that it was actually because of him. I needed to let him know that because he was poised to blame other people. He’d already set the table.

And in the morning he asked me (he did every morning) if we’d won the account yet.

No, I told him.

It was the creative, wasn’t it.

No, I told him.

What was it?

A chemistry disconnect (early language for fit.)

Between who and who?

Between you and their boss.

That ended the conversation and we got on with it. Today I would have said it was about fit, but that language wasn’t as available to me then. But it’s exactly the same.

And now I’m thinking about the idea of fit. Fit is everything - it trumps credentials and expertise, recommendations and other qualifications. When a company puts you through more than a dozen interviews they’re really trying to ascertain fit. Will this person be comfortable with and contribute to our culture, or are they a bomb-thrower or someone who just doesn’t understand how to become part of our ethos. Fit trumps credentials. Always. The credentials get you to a certain place but you can’t rise and triumph without a great fit.

So everyone tries to figure it out in advance.

I get the impulse. I also know from lived experience that there is absolutely no way to determine fit in advance. It’s not measurable and it can’t be quantified.

It’s a vibe.

Fit is a vibe.

You know it when it happens; when the fit feels right the situation feels sunny and welcoming and possibilities seem limitless. You feel like you’re part of something. Without it frankly you’re fucked. You’re swimming upstream and the waters are cold and hostile. You’re not part of what’s going on. And that’s not sustainable long term. Sometimes a situation starts with the right fit but then inevitably changes happen and the fit is no longer there. Sometimes that happens gradually, other times it takes a minutes. But when the fit is gone it’s gone.

Speaking of fit, being a caregiver isn’t a natural fit for me. Even before I was doing it with the twin head-and-shoulder injuries it was never a role that fit. That’s not completely accurate. Parts of it work fine: cooking, baking, thinking of new ideas and structures and ways to make the time go by. Being in charge works for me and I’m good at any situation I’m in charge of. The rest of it just isn’t really me. Though I try. Hard. And mostly I’m doing ok. Brilliantly, no. But ok, yes. And you know what?

That’s as good as it’s going to get. And sometimes good enough is good enough.

This is one of those times.

Fit, check.