Orthorexia

Hello beloved readers. I know we’re all rightfully focused on and anxious about today’s election and I’m no exception.

But today’s update is a medical one. I had two appointments yesterday; one with a new internist to establish care, one at Rusk for an evaluation for vision rehab.

Too much in one day to be sure, but lots that was interesting.

The internist first. Young, female, recommended by my wonderful super smart young rheumatologist.

She was quick, thorough and intense. Asked why I wouldn’t consider a lung cancer screening as a former smoker. Didn’t buy my answers. Asked me if I thought I drank too much. I told her I know I drink too much (my liver enzymes have always been high, long before wine began to play the role in my life it does today. And I’ve had multiple liver scans over the years, all negative.) But she doesn’t let you (or me) get away with a quick no or a glib answer. She presses.

And made me feel like this she was someone who would:

• take good care of me

• not buy my BS

• really listen, focus and care

That was kind of new, and welcome.

She asked if there was anything else that wasn’t on my chart that I thought worth mentioning. So I mentioned the eating disorder. She had a lot of questions.

“Who diagnosed it?” - me.

“Who has been treating it?” - no one

“Is it under control?” - no

“Do you want to find help?” - no.

She seemed mildly perplexed but wanted to talk about it a bit. Turns out I don’t have plain anorexia - no, that would be too mundane for me. I have a variant she says is called orthorexia. Don’t google it - what comes up isn’t what she meant. All that comes up describes it as a version where people are obsessed with what they think are “pure” foods. That’s not it. What she meant was a form of anorexia where it isn’t solely about restricting (earlier versions were) but really focus on working out. To excess. Of course to excess! Best way to do it.

Ok, not really. But when I told her my daily exercise time and protocol she was like yeah, this is you.

Yeah, it is.

I haven’t researched the incidence of orthorexia, but I might. How common across different age cohorts? How common in my age bracket? I’ll get to it. After the election. After we wash that orange stain off the fabric of the nation. After Kamala wins and we can get on with the work that needs to be done. With joy and intensity and unity.

But seriously - yes, that’s the form of Ed I’ve got. Orthorexia. Fancy word. Of course I’d have to have a fancy form; no run-of-the-mill eating disorder for me. I know they teach you in medical school that when you hear hoofbeats to look for horses, not zebras. Feels like I’m always a zebra.

She did acknowledge how important the strength training is for me. You know, older women, osteoporosis, all that jazz. And she was actually impressed when she felt how strong I am. I’m wiry, that’s all. And for all the strength training I do I’d better fucking be strong by now.

We connected, which is helpful. I haven’t had an internist since ours went full concierge and I really do need a quarterback. She understands that my shoulder problem is more urgent, but once that’s done she’s going to want to follow up on these liver issues (and Ed too.)

She was fascinated by the PAN, like every doc (except that giant asshole rheumatologist who basically accused me of faking and forced us into a screaming match. What a dick. And then I turn out to have the auto-immune disorder that everyone learned about in med school but no one’s ever seen in person.) She too had never seen a case (and wasn’t sure what the acronym stood for - that’s how rare this is.)

We also talked about the TBI, of course. And she wants to help manage the insane number of meds I’ve been given, some off-label for headpain. Like the blood pressure med that I don’t need for BP (my BP has always run low. So low that a doc once asked me how I get out of bed.) That med maybe has an impact on pain; that’s why I’m on it. But maybe it’s unnecessary. Let’s weed and prune and simplify.

And she wants to see me every six months. Not annually like I used to. I kind of appreciate that. At least now when the next visit is far, far, away and I don’t have to think about it. I like it conceptually. But behavioral economists know that humans are incredibly poor predictors of how they’ll feel and act in the future. What seems like a good idea now may/will look different as the day approaches.

She made me feel like it’s time to start taking my health a little more seriously (you know, beloved readers, that health has never been the prime directive.) And she’s probably right.

Probably. Maybe. Yeah I’m gonna give it a try. Baby steps to start.

So I’ll stick with her. Still. haven’t committed to the lung screening but will do the liver stuff. AFTER Nick is mobile. AFTER my shoulder is fixed. We’re still in the woods. I’ll get going on all this when we’re out of the woods. I do love the woods, I must say (and friends who spent time at our first house in Vermont can vouch.)

Orthorexia, baby. That’s what’s happening. Orthorexia.

Next up - adventures in rehab at Rusk for vision. A very different healthcare experience.